Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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