haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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