I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
