we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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