Sorry, I don't speak sober.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
