I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
