Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
