look no pants
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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