Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
