you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
