"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
