He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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