and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She's the barista slut.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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