I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
