You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
