i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
