are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
