i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
