My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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