I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
