They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just threw up on my dentist
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
