He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
