He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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