Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
