you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
