just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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