After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
thus making me awesome and them whores
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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