So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
