All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
