So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just made out with a guy for $7.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
