I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have aggressive nipples.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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