lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
