I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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