i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
