Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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