you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
