that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
