20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
