When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
