By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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