Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
