12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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