I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
