you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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