I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
