This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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