Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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