My first STD was from a foam party
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
