someone owes me an orgasm
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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