Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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