drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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