tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
